Right, so I work out at least 4 days a week and usually 6. I pay to get the gray roots removed. I don’t eat sweets or pizza or pasta or really anything that tastes too good. I don’t drink NEARLY as much as I want to. Why? Because I am OVER 50, that’s why. I am holding on by my freaking fingernails here. I am high maintenance but self-maintaining. If I can’t do it myself or pay a hairdresser to do it, it doesn’t get done.
And so far, so good. I feel fairly confident that my friends and colleagues, who are always genuinely shocked when they find out I am over 45, are really being genuine. I haven’t given up.
Until I saw this…this THING.
In case you can’t tell from my fabulous photo, this is my leg. And that ugly thing there is an effing SPIDER VEIN! It is borderline VERICOSE.
Since my late twenties, when my mother asked me if I HAD to wear my skirts that short, I have maintained that my legs from about mid-thigh down are the only parts of my body that have withstood the ravages of time and gravity. And now this.
So that’s it. I officially give up. I am going to go buy a whole bag of Snickers bars and a muu-muu and start collecting stray cats. Fuck it. I’m done.